I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
