Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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