you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
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