just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
