he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
