If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
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And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
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So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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