I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize