I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
do nipples grow back?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
