I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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