Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
