like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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