if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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