Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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