He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
