the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize