Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
