the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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