Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
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