I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
