I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
