are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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