you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
