note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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