If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
