Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
