Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
