i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize