1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
