FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
