I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
