Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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