Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
