She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
