You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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