When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
