Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
