Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
