I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
