just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
