Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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