the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
