i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
