Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
