I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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