I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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