He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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