I showed him my bush... on skype.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
