Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
