??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We have started to decorate penises.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
