I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
