Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
