My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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