i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
There's always time for handjobs
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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