dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
