How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
