when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
