im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
