so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
