she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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