Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
