So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Randomize
