I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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