I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
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