i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
