Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
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