there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize