i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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