I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
