U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I can't trust your balls anymore.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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