Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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