So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
