i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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