I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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