Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Dear god my vagina.
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