Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
