U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
