he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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