if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
